tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
