ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
