And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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