Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize