New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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