just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
