dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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