Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
