You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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