I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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