His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
