I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
