you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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