i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
