it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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