At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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