My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
