I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
