WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
