Please, let me fuck your mom
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
