i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
