I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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