In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize