My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
