Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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