your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
