we have officially lost it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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