Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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