Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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