Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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