I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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