Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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