You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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