So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Shame is for Republicans.
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