I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize