Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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