i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
