We won't sleep together?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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