i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
