I like to think it a success when the cops are called
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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