the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My cat gives me a boner
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
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You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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