well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
