btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
