the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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