I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
