Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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