If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
