If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
