Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
