Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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