ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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