Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
