Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
