he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
