yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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