So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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