Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
