The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
