my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
