I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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