She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
