I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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