do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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