I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just tell him i said nine months
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
