Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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