They should really pass out barf bags in church
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
