All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
