My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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