Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
