so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
