Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
