So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
