i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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