I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
