I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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