I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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