I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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