She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
